We hear so much about presence. Conceptually, maybe you even understand it. But living it is a completely different thing. When I first started exploring presence, one of my challenges was that while I knew what presence felt like, it was such a big jump from where I was living that it felt insurmountable to reach.
So I created three distinct levels of presence to help me grow into a place where I was feeling present (most) of the time. And if I wasn’t, there was a gradient to follow to get there, instead of a massive leap.
The three levels of presence that I created are:
1. Physically present
2. Mentally present
3. Totally present
Physically present is when you are in the room. Obviously, you need to be in the room to be physically present. But just because you are physically there doesn’t mean you are actuallythere. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of experiences where you’re in a meeting, driving your car, or on the phone with someone where you’re there, but you’re not really there. That’s physical presence. When we talk about someone ‘having presence,’ this is not what we’re referring to!
When you’re mentally present, you are a little more present than when you’re only physically present. You’re both physically there and kind of mentally there. In other words, you’re paying some attention to what you’re doing, but some of your energy and attention are also leaking elsewhere. Maybe you're feeling insecure about what you’re doing, you had an argument with a loved one, or you had a rough day at work. You’re still paying attention to your task / interaction, but they don’t have your full attention and energy.
This is where total presence comes in. Total presence is when you are physically and mentally present and all of your attention is in the room, on whatever you’re doing. This is the only level of presence where true peace and creativity come from.
It’s important to note that total presence is a practice. Not a place where you arrive and stay. Your ego, or inner roommate (that voice in your head that incessantly talks and analyzes) is always trying to distract you, create doubt, and steal your attention. So note that your thoughts will naturally want to wander because of your ego. Which is why total presence is a skill that you build with practice by pulling your attention back to the room.
To experientially get total presence, think about two people in your life. One of them is totally present with you. You can feel it. You know you’re being listened to. You know their attention is on you and that you’re safe to share. The other is the opposite. Someone that you’re with, but you wonder if they’re listening to you. Are they paying attention?
You can feel the difference in energy of someone who is totally present and someone who is not.
My challenge for you: Write down and reflect on two real people in your life - one who is totally present and one who is not. How do you feel differently around them?
Then decide who you want to be.
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